June 24, 2026
I just had an inkling from last year but for now I am sure, I have completely interest in gunpla. I will wrap up with that MG and stop, I've had enough and also I have became a fool buying plamo after watching the advert i.e tv show. On top of that I have to nearly pay over two times the yen price for some reason I started finding the building process also tedius. I'm done so I'll edit the tags on the website.
June 06, 2026
Its been a month since the last entry. I have been living my ronin lifestyle, from the last month I have been having 4 hour classes during the weekdays. I kept replaying some games to get achievements and setting up retroarch and going through all the stuff on my hard drive, didn't make any tangible progress. I have made plans to structure my daily ronin schedule but alas I haven't been able to follow them at all. My system is capable to emulate till 6th gen the exception being og xbox, but for my current plans I need to put aside my autopilot computer use. I have relearn mathematics from elementary which I want knock it over in a month. Lately I was having a conversation with my buddy on what is the purpose or reason of living, I couldn't really get a conclusive answer, work to make money which is used for sustenance and rest blowing it on entertainment. Surely there must be more to life than that. Then I was thinking that maybe take a route of faith by renouncing all worldly desires and see past the illusion in order to reach moksha. This type of thing is something farfetched. When you think about it every breath we take brings us closer to death, so the ending is already written in sand so how spends one time i.e productive or not productive does it even really matters. It will all be forgotten, and if even when if you do live on it will be akin tot the memetic version of a chinese whisper. So I was thinking maybe I should strive to accumlate knowledge so that one day I can transcend flesh and bone to become a 4d being - being able to freely flow through space and time, maybe when technology advances like transhumanism from ghost in the shell. I would like to state a quote from Marx which I saw in my notification - Time is everything, man is nothing: he is at the most time's carcass. This is something that has changed my worldview you don't have time in your hands, you are just a speck of sand in a sandglass subject to the whims of fate. How you can make the best use of time when it is never truly yours and have no guarantees also I end sleeping one-thirds of the day. I am sure someday down line technology will reach such a level that we will be able to do anything while sleeping. I think its a possibility. Nevertheless the inevitable fact is that in the end you are just killing time until death. As an analogy my friend replied is that he would like to be happy not be concerned with such frivolous thoughts over which you have no influence or control. As i replied without the lows and highs you wouldn't feel happy, you can't be in a perpetual state of bliss you have to come back to earth and your baseline will keep getting higher and higher. Frankly if you think about it in order to do anything in this world, two things must be expended - energy and time. So we keep thinking about what to do because because life is lived under the constraints of time. If there was no time there is nothing to do. You just are that's all. So in theory you can apply this same approach to current life which in the ends brings me back to square one, just as the ending in the below entry. However when I watched 1983 movie - A girl who leapt through time I was sparked with new thoughts of time, how drol would it be to forever live in a world where there is no tomorrow. During lockdown I felt so overjoyed that I had a super extended vacation, now six years later it feels like most of the days blur into each other especially when most of my time was spent being entertainment through a one way window. So it made me think that idea of having eternal time wouldn't really bring any salvation, which means the dream of being a four dimensional being is not so enticing. After this I was thinking of playing persona 3 fes past the beginning. It shows a lot of promise, the core theme being memento mori, but I don't time is a luxury I can afford now, especially a turn based jrpg and that too climbing 150+ floors of a single tower. Still the only answer I can reach for now is still the same old one - just be , but when you keep running on autopliot the disatisfaction seems to creep in and then I am back to asking the same question. I guess for my sanity I should stop looking through the window and instead look inside the room instead. Time to get my ronin affairs in order.
May 11, 2026
It's now been two months since the last entry. I have beaten a couple of games during this period - kh1.5 fm, dmc3, dmc5, ikaruga and osu tatakae ouendan. I couldnt beat the last song on osu on normal mode for more than 3+ plus years, after a lot of persistence and struggle what seemed unsurmountable was something is beat with a whisker, no misses on the entire 490 beats but my life was on the verge of being finished. If i stick long at it for some time I should be able breakthrough as long as it is possible to do so. I had even left kh1 halfway 4 years but I beat it anyways, big shoutout to guy who put up his save file before every boss. I bought dmc5 nearly 3 years ago and I beat it too now, super fun game, especially when V read William Blake poetry - The hours of folly are measured by the clock but of wisdom, no clock can measure & He who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence. I have been enraptured by poetry now I wish to read more of them. I rememeber watching a lecture by Mr Bradbury, I was dazzled by charisma and words and his suggestion of reading one short story, essay and a poem before bed for 1000 days. I am now very looking forward to reading fahrenheit 451. I also beat the freestyle version of DMC3 SE on switch and was blown away that 21 year old game is still this good. This what they mean by something that is truly timeless. I also recently watched T2 trainspotting the 20 year follow-up on the original. A super fanservice sequel but very reflective of itself, the actions from the past do have ever lasting consequences even in the future. I loved the final scene transition into credits with the lust for life remix in the background. Blogging was kind of looked down upon during the new choose life monologue - blog from your first wank to your last breath. It is an excellent observation where I noticed that my blogs won't even be seen and just a way of saving pen and paper. It's just me typing down my thoughts. On the contrary it did make my critical of the way I use my time on the internet, am I the charioteer who is command or am I just wandering in a mirror maze i.e am I doing it with intention and agency or am I running on autopilot. Frankly the takeaway I can leave is that I just need to live and act with intent, be content that every second doesn't have to be joy but just continue to live, as long as I breathe - there will always be something interesting around the corner that makes life worth living. That's a nice way to close out this long entry.
March 14, 2026
It's been two weeks since I made the first version of the webpage. I don't even remember what I even did during that time period. Now that I think about it there is so much stuff to watch and experience in this world that a lifetime wouldn't be enough. Sigh....
March 2, 2026
I am done with logging all the games on my backlog on the site.Lessgo!!!
March 1, 2026
Today is the first day I built a website on neocities. So this website will serve as a logging tracker and to collect my thoughts.